In The Moonlight

There's times it's better, and there's times it's worse.
Reading or watching any sort of Romance usually makes it worse. She's still young but she fells like she has the sadness of a lifetime accumulated.
Do you know the german novel "Bitterschokolade" (dark chocolate)? It's about this overweight girl, Eva, with no self confidence, who thinks she will never be truly loved because she's ugly. Then this guy turns up, and with a couple of arguments she suddenly believes him that she is worth being loved. Just like that.
When she read the book she got really angry about the authors solution. If the feelings of the protagonist Eva were anywhere near hers, it wouldn't be that easy to teach that girl that it was indeed possible for her to be loved.
It would take more than a little petty talk. Words...
Words are not enough to make her love herself again, when every look in the mirror makes her hate herself even more. She's trying hard to only see her good sides, but all she can come up with is "nice eyes". Then she looks closer, seeing that one eye is somewhat lower than the other. "People won't notice" she says out loud, "But I know" whispers a sad voice inside her.
She knows there's people with deformed faces or whatnot, who have it way worse than her. Knowing that, hating herself for her looks only makes her detest herself even more, for how could a human being be so self-centered?

Endlich, endlich, das nächste Kapitel =D
Ich tipp jetzt erstmal die nächsten 30 Seiten ab, dann gehts weiter ;D

Strip away the flesh and bone
Look beyond the lies you’ve known
Everybody wants to talk about a freak
No one wants to dig that deep
Let me take you underneath

Baby better watch your step
Never mind what’s on the left
You’re gonna see things you might not wanna see
Still not that easy for me
Underneath

A red river of screams - Underneath
Tears in my eyes - Underneath
Stars in my black and blue sky - And underneath
Under my skin - Underneath
The depths of my sin - Look at me
Now do you see?

~Adam Lambert - Underneath