In The Moonlight

She's gazing to the stars for help, but as usual, there's no answer to be found there. Her heart is aching. What hurts the most is that she doesn't even know what makes her feel so goddamn sad and empty.
Is it because of her mother, who likes money better than her own daughter..? No, she's convinced that she forgave her mother a while ago, and she knows that she will be leaving for university soon anyway. Then is it because she found herself in the situation of realizing that her friends are getting closer to each other, while she is slipping more and more out of the picture..? Is it because she doesn't feel alive? Is it because she feels alone, even when she's with other people? Or is it because she can't stand the way her friends are talking about their bodies, like they have it bad, while sitting right next to her?
She doesn't understand. Nobody understands, and nobody can lend her a hand in figuring it out. She listens to her friends and the only thing she notices is how shallow their words are. How they laugh about matters that shake her deep in her heart, and then don't seem to notice how she retreats in her thoughts. They don't notice, or do they just not care? Her chest is filled with aching and her head can't figure out why. She thinks about cutting herself again, because the pain of the cuts can cover up the pain in her heart. But it's summer and she doesn't want anybody to know... She's too rational to fall back into the old patterns of cutting her arms. It's too obvious and unpractical. People usually don't pay attention as she learned the first time round, but the risk of being found out is too high.
But what else is left? Spending money and eating stuff makes her feel better, but only for so long until she regrets buying something she doesn't really need, or regrets the pounds that make her even more... unpretty. That only makes her detest herself even more for being too weak. There seems to be no way out but to endure, like she always did.
But why? Why is she feeling this way? There's thousands and thousands of people who got it worse and she has no reason to feel this way.
So why?
If she only knew why.

Serie Teil II:
301. Hawaii Five-0 4x14
302. Grimm 3x13 (E) ----- 303. Grimm 3x14 (E) ----- 304. Grimm 3x15 (E)
305. Grimm 3x16 (E) ----- 306. Grimm 3x17 (E) ----- 307. Grimm 3x18 (E)
308. Grimm 3x19 (E)
309. Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1x18 (E)
310. Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1x19 (E)
311. Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1x20 (E)
312. Arrow 2x20 (E)
313. Revenge 3x20 (E)
314. Supernatural 9x19 (E) ----- 315. Supernatural 9x20 (E)
316. The Blacklist 1x19 (E) ----- 317. The Blacklist 1x20 (E)
318. The Mentalist 6x19 (E)
319. Sherlock 2x2
320. So you think you can Dance Complete Season 1 (12 Episodes)
321. Arrow 2x21 (E)
322. Sherlock 2x3
323. Grimm 3x20 (E)
324. Sherlock 1x1 (E) ----- 325. Sherlock 1x2 (E)
326. The Mentalist 6x20 (E)
327. Revenge 3x21 (E)
328. The Blacklist 1x21 (E)
329. Sherlock 1x3 (E) ----- 330. Sherlock 2x1 (E)
331. Supernatural 9x21 (E)
332. Marvels Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1x21 (E)
333. Glee 4x17 (E) ----- 334. Glee 4x18 (E) ----- 335. Glee 4x19 (E)
336. Glee 4x20 (E) ----- 337. Glee 4x21 (E) ----- 338. Glee 4x22 (E)
339. Revolution 2x20 (E)
340. Arrow 2x22 (E)
341. Glee 5x1 (E) ----- 342. Glee 5x2 (E) ----- 343. Glee 5x3 (E)
344. Glee 5x4 (E) ----- 345. Glee 5x5 (E) ----- 346. Glee 5x6 (E)
347. Glee 5x7 (E) ----- 348. Glee 5x8 (E) ----- 349. Glee 5x9 (E)
350. Glee 5x10 (E) ----- 351. Glee 5x11 (E) ----- 352. Glee 5x12 (E)
353. Glee 5x13 (E) ----- 354. Glee 5x14 (E) ----- 355. Glee 5x15 (E)
356. Grimm 3x21 (E)
357. Revenge 3x22 (E)
358. The Mentalist 6x21 (E)
359. Glee 5x16 (E) ----- 360. Glee 5x17 (E) ----- 361. Glee 5x18 (E)
362. Glee 5x19 (E)
363. The Blacklixt 1x22 (E)
364. Penny Dreadful 1x1 (E)
365. Supernatural 9x22 (E)
366. Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1x22 (E)
367. Glee 5x20 (E)
368. Criminal Minds 9x23 (E) ----- 269. Criminal Minds 9x24 (E)
370. Revolution 2x21 (E)
371. Arrow 2x23 (E)
372. Grimm 3x22 (E)
373. The Mentalist 6x22 (E)
374. Penny Deadful 1x2 (E)
375. Supernatural 9x23 (E)
376. Defiance 1x1
377. Revolution 2x22 (E)
378. The 100 1x1 (E) ----- 379. The 100 1x2 (E) ----- 380. The 100 1x3 (E)
381. The 100 1x4 (E) ----- 382. The 100 1x5 (E) ----- 383. The 100 1x6 (E)
384. The 100 1x7 (E) ----- 385. The 100 1x8 (E) ----- 386. The 100 1x9 (E)
387. The 100 1x10 (E)
388. Pretender 1x1 (E) ----- 389. Pretender 1x2 (E) ----- 390. Pretender 1x3 (E)
391. Pretender 1x4 (E) ----- 392. Pretender 1x5 (E) ----- 393. Pretender 1x5 (E)
394. Pretender 1x6 (E)
395. Penny Dreadful 1x3 (E)
396. The Listener 5x1 (E)
397. The 100 1x11 (E)
398. Penny Dreadful 1x4 (E)
399. Sherlock 3x1
400. The Listener 5x2 (E)
401. The Nightshift 1x1 (E) ----- 402. The Nightshift 1x2 (E)
403. Defiance 1x2
404. The Nightshift 1x3 (E)
405. Hawaii Five-0 4x15 (E) ----- 406. Hawaii Five-0 4x16 (E)
407. The Listener 5x3 (E)
408. The 100 1x12 (E) ----- 409. The 100 1x13 (E)
410-435. Human Target 1x01-1x12 / 2x01-2x13 (E)
436. Penny Dreadful 1x5 (E) ----- 437. Penny Dreadful 1x6 (E)
438. Sherlock 3x2 ----- 439. Sherlock 3x3
440. The Listener 5x4 (E)
441. The Nightshift 1x4 (E)
442. Perception 3x1 (E)
443. Dominion 1x1 (E)
444. Defiance 2x1 (E)
445. Rectify 2x1 (E)
446. Penny Dreadful 1x7 (E)
447. The Last Ship 1x1 (E)
448. True Blood 7x1 (E)
449. The Listener 5x5 (E)
450. The Nightshift 1x5 (E)
451. Peception 3x2 (E)
452. Rectify 2x2 (E)
453. Dominion 1x2 (E)
454. Defiance 2x2 (E)
455. Penny Dreadful 1x8 (E)
456. The Last Ship 1x2 (E)
457. Reckless 1x1 (E)
458. The Leftovers 1x1 (E)
459. True Blood 7x2 (E)
460. The Listener 5x6 (E)
461. The Nightshift 1x6 (E)
462. Rectify 2x2 (E)
463. Dominion 1x3 (E)
464. Defiance 2x3 (E)
465. The Last Ship 1x3 (E)
466. Reckless 1x2 (E)
467. The Leftovers 1x2 (E)
468. True Blood 7x3 (E)
469. The Listener 5x7 (E)
470. The Nightshift 1x7 (E)
471. Percepton 3x4 (E)
472. Dominion 1x4 (E) ----- 472. Dominion 1x5 (E) ----- 473. Dominion 1x6 (E)
474. Defiance 2x4 (E) ----- 475. Defiance 2x5 (E) ----- 476. Defiance 2x6 (E)
477. The Last Ship 1x4 (E) ----- 478. The Last Ship 1x5 (E)
479. Reckless 1x3 (E) ----- 480. Reckless 1x4 (E)
481. The Leftovers 1x3 (E) ----- 482. The Leftovers 1x4 (E)
483. The Leftovers 1x5 (E)
484. The Last Ship 1x6 (E)
485. Reckless 1x5 (E)
486. Witches of East End 2x1 (E) ----- 487. Witches of East End 2x2 (E)
488. Witches of East End 2x3 (E) ----- 489. Witches of East End 2x4 (E)
490. Ray Donovan 2x1 (E) ----- 491. Ray Donovan 2x2 (E)
492. Ray Donovan 2x3 (E)
493. Perception 3x5 (E) ----- 494. Perception 3x6 (E) ----- 493. Perception 3x5 (E)

Wer kennt das nicht, der Blick zum Fenster raus macht nachdenklich,
die Sonne hat mal wieder etwas andres vor, was bessres sicherlich.
Der Blick zurück wirft viele Fragen auf, der Blick nach vorn macht ungewiss,
auf die Frage was ich mir erwarte, kenn ich die Antwort grade nicht.
~ Günni