In The Moonlight

She's gazing to the stars for help, but as usual, there's no answer to be found there. Her heart is aching. What hurts the most is that she doesn't even know what makes her feel so goddamn sad and empty.
Is it because of her mother, who likes money better than her own daughter..? No, she's convinced that she forgave her mother a while ago, and she knows that she will be leaving for university soon anyway. Then is it because she found herself in the situation of realizing that her friends are getting closer to each other, while she is slipping more and more out of the picture..? Is it because she doesn't feel alive? Is it because she feels alone, even when she's with other people? Or is it because she can't stand the way her friends are talking about their bodies, like they have it bad, while sitting right next to her?
She doesn't understand. Nobody understands, and nobody can lend her a hand in figuring it out. She listens to her friends and the only thing she notices is how shallow their words are. How they laugh about matters that shake her deep in her heart, and then don't seem to notice how she retreats in her thoughts. They don't notice, or do they just not care? Her chest is filled with aching and her head can't figure out why. She thinks about cutting herself again, because the pain of the cuts can cover up the pain in her heart. But it's summer and she doesn't want anybody to know... She's too rational to fall back into the old patterns of cutting her arms. It's too obvious and unpractical. People usually don't pay attention as she learned the first time round, but the risk of being found out is too high.
But what else is left? Spending money and eating stuff makes her feel better, but only for so long until she regrets buying something she doesn't really need, or regrets the pounds that make her even more... unpretty. That only makes her detest herself even more for being too weak. There seems to be no way out but to endure, like she always did.
But why? Why is she feeling this way? There's thousands and thousands of people who got it worse and she has no reason to feel this way.
So why?
If she only knew why.